Guest Post (aka Embarrassing Truths From a Big Brother)

When my sister asked me to write a guest post for Sweet Miscellany, my first thought was to craft an impeccable recipe encompassing my dietary restrictions and her pristine taste. 

But then I became fast obsessed with Game of Thrones and watched every episode in a matter of a few days, leaving little time for culinary experimenting (unless you count stirring honey into almond butter which—though delicious—is a pretty juvenile attempt at impressing a foodie). Instead, I thought I’d give a little insight into the formative years Miss Sweet Miscellany herself.

A Matter of Taste

One might say Courtney was born with good taste, but that was fairly questionable at first. As a child, it wasn’t saffron, cardamom or muscovado she craved. Instead, she asked for...Bum. 

Bum was a baby blanket that she carried everywhere—not with her hand but with her mouth. The resulting visual effect was a toddler who appeared to be in a perpetual state of vomiting cloth (surely Ina Garten is guilty of worse). Luckily, Courtney eventually shucked Bum for delicacies of the edible persuasion, and I was no longer embarrassed to sit next to her in public.

illustration by Wallace West (wallacewest.com)

Dry Humor

Though today she’ll eat anything from chicken tikka masala to sashimi, Courtney was once an extremely picky eater.  One morning, our mother made piles of French toast that we coated with powdered sugar before gobbling it up. Courtney, however, sat there scrunching up her face and complaining that it didn’t taste right—habitual behavior for a picky kid. Our mother finally took a bite of Courtney’s French toast to prove that it tasted fine. 

It didn’t. 

Instead of powdered sugar, Mom had mistakenly sprinkled cornstarch on Courtney’s toast. We can all be thankful that my sister didn’t fearfully retreat to a soggy blanket named Bum, but instead chose to  move ever forward, determined to build an empire of food that wouldn’t assault, dry out  and abuse one’s taste buds.

illustration by Wallace West (wallacewest.com)

You’re Gonna Pay

Today, you can buy Courtney’s creations in her Etsy shop. Twenty plus years ago, I was able to buy them from her in person at her "restaurant" (our kitchen) where she offered such esteemed menu items as Nutra Grain bars, cheddar cheese sandwiches and grapes. 

Adorable! Right? Yeah. Until she’d give you a handwritten bill. First you’d laugh. She’d stare at you with a look on her little face straight out of The Godfather, then you’d laugh again— this time, nervously— and toss her a quarter. 

Have no fear, though. She’s far more congenial these days and her food is far better than the grapes that used to top her daily specials. But memories of that sinister four-year-old face still give me the cold sweats.

There are several more stories of Courtney’s culinary development to share (including her why she refused to eat shrimp for years) but I’ll have to wait ‘til the next guest post for those—if I get asked back.